


Wings of a Butterfly

by youngjaesmole



Category: Jeon Jungkook - Fandom, Jung Hoseok - Fandom, K-pop, Kim Namjoon - Fandom, Kim Seokjin - Fandom, Kim Taehyung - Fandom, Min Yoongi - Fandom, Park Jimin - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: AU, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, BTS theory, Depression, Drowning, Emotional Manipulation, Hurt Kim Taehyung | V, Jeon Jungkook & Min Yoongi - Freeform, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope & Park Jimin Are Best Friends, Kim Taehyung & Min Yoongi - Freeform, Kinda, Korean Characters, M/M, Multi, Murder, Overdosing, Park Jimin Is a Sweetheart, Song Lyrics, Sugakookie, Suicide, Vmon - Freeform, bangtan boys - Freeform, basically based off of all their music videos but as a plot line, basically everyone gets whipped by taehyung at some point, bts - Freeform, dream - Freeform, idk what the ship name for yoongi and jungkook is but, jihope - Freeform, jinmin - Freeform, kpop, namkook if you blink rapidly, read the above trigger warnings, slight namjin, taegi - Freeform, this is gonna get really weird and confusing but it makes sense i promise, this is my first fic, vkook, vmin - Freeform, yoonkook
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-04-06 14:55:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14059395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youngjaesmole/pseuds/youngjaesmole
Summary: Taehyung falls into an abyss, shifting between his old, broken self and his new, evil personality in order to protect himself from any more mental trauma. However, his new personality not only puts himself at risk, but it also affects the people around him.ORAfter Seokjin died, the boys struggle to cope with this uninvited feeling of emptiness. Jungkook is the only one who has enough strength to move on, but can he convince the others to accept Seokjin's passing, or will Taehyung have them succumb to the illusion of a world where Seokjin will always be with them?(Basically, this plotline was formed around my theory of all the BTS music videos connected.)





	1. burn it up.

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! this is my first fic on ao3 so please forgive me for all of my mistakes haha. be aware that the pov's shift a lot - to show the other's perspectives when jungkook himself is unaware. otherwise, enjoy!

The sunlight cascaded on my schoolbooks. As the old geezer rambled on and on, about who knows what - _what class was this anyways?_ \- I stuck my other earbud in, gazing out the window in boredom. It was hours like these where I couldn't help but to countdown the seconds until class finishes.

School often felt like a prison to me. There was no freedom. Not even in the type of lunch you get. Institutionalized education, all jamming the same packets of information into kids so that they’d have the same mindset - gearing children to think the same way they do in order for our world to stay the same for the future. They encouraged progress, but didn’t encourage change. I scoffed at the side-eye the teacher gave me. _2 seconds, 1 second-_

I walked stiffly down the halls, towards my locker, and switched my shoes. Quickly. The others were waiting for me anyways, and I myself am quite the impatient one too. Although the Hideout wasn’t that far from the school, considering that Yoongi showed me a shortcut the other day that quite literally cut down half the walking distance, I of course rushed myself. It was the only thing that I looked forward to everyday anyways.

“Ay, yuh, look who it is.” After a solid 15 minutes of jogging, the first face that greeted me when I opened the door was our leader. His hair was still a bright mint shade, even though he had told me he was planning on dying it soon. Claimed it resembled Yoongi’s hair a little too closely, though I told him I didn’t notice it.

“Our second baby, Jungkookie,” a high-pitched voice cooed. The other four boys came downstairs, and I failed to stifle a laugh. Looks like they had been playing around with hair dye - probably before Namjoon was going to formally dye his - and together, they looked like bright gummy bears. Taehyung’s peach-orange next to Seokjin’s blonde reminded me of tropical fruit. The snide looks in their eyes startled me, and my heart dropped as I realized they planned on dragging me with them to be next.

My name is Jeon Jungkook. 19 years old, I should be in college now but I flunked classes last year and now I’m the only one in my group who has to repeat a grade. Not that I cared much, since I’m planning on dropping out soon. Would’ve been lucky if I were Seokjin and Yoongi - I can just imagine my rich parents bribing the teachers to let me pass. But no, I’m stuck with my stingy, highly-annoying conservative mom and dad. I’m in a group called Bangtan - this ragtag alliance of boys just came together and decided to be friends one day. Well, for some part, we were friends before, but only by loose connections. I met all the others because they were Jimin’s friends, or Jimin’s friends’ friends, or- Anyways, as for the others in the group;

Min Yoongi, or should I say, the old gray head. He’s probably wondering how the kids got him into dying his rich black tresses and if the dye would fade quickly. He’s old, perhaps acts even older, ahead of me by 4 years. Heck, he could’ve been graduating college this year, if he didn’t reject his parents’ advice to go. His uncle is a rich business partner with Seokjin’s family business. I didn’t know him that well before, but when we met, something sparked and we instantly had this connection. He doesn’t talk much - well, neither do I, but even less than me - and is pretty pessimistic about things. Oh, and he’s sarcastic and has a sort of dark humor too. I admired that. We spent quite a lot of time together, even when the group doesn’t meet.

And now that I think about it, he’s almost directly opposite of Jimin. Park Jimin, my classmate and the boy who got me into Bangtan. I equated him to a living ball of sunshine. Wherever he went, his positive energy radiated from his body. That’s why Hoseok called me the ‘second baby,’ because Jimin was, of course, the first. Even though I’m the youngest in the group. Truthfully, I didn’t know him that well as classmates. But apparently he did. I asked him about Bangtan before, about why he had invited me to join in the first place. He turned his head and looked at me, giving me a fluffy-looking smile. “I saw something in you, Jungkookie. And I felt like something _compelled_ me to.” Jimin was pretty popular at school, which made sense. A lot of people liked him because he’s so nice.

Jung Hoseok, the nagger. He’s around the same age as Yoongi, but he sometimes acted like a child. Don’t get me wrong - Hoseok gave off a very mature aura and he could be serious sometimes, but I felt as though he acted childish on purpose to make us laugh. Of course, he was quite the jokester. I didn't know Hoseok as well as Jimin does, but he did try his best to take care of me as the youngest.

Namjoon, the leader. Or should I say co-leader? Sometimes it felt like he and Seokjin shared that role. Well anyways, he was pretty close to Taehyung. I think they were friends since they were young. He’s smart like crazy. Heck, I’m pretty sure his IQ is off the roofs. I’m not even sure why he dropped out of college and decided to hang out with us instead. A waste of talent, if you ask me.

Seokjin, or as Jimin called him, our mother. I didn't know that much about him, besides the fact that his dad was a CEO of a huge company. Apparently it was a part of the fashion industry, but they also had strong business partners that covered food chains, casinos, and a bunch of other stuff. It wouldn’t be a stretch to claim that they controlled a big part of Seoul. I’m pretty sure Seokjin is also where the bucks for Bangtan came from. I mean, the boys probably didn’t find this exquisite-looking hideout just out of nowhere. Seokjin was pretty nice. He gave off really comfortable vibes.

And lastly, Taehyung. Jimin knew him, but how well - I’m not sure. He’s very smiley, that’s certain, and there’s some weird cute part of him that I’m attracted to. He’s like a puppy, I suppose. We started talking right away, and I’m hoping we could be good friends. Everything about how he looked just screamed ‘cool guy’. He had messy golden brown auburn hair when we first met. Sometimes they’d be tied back with a headband, exposing his forehead, but I liked it when he lets his bangs freely rest. Watching his hair bounce around was fun sometimes. His eyes were sharp, and every time we made eye contact, he’d playfully wink. When he’s not laughing or smiling, as he usually was with Hoseok or Jimin, his demeanor would be pulled into a serious, resting state. But his mood switches instantly sometimes, and the next thing you know, he’d be back to joking around.

It kinda always seemed like Taehyung was in the background though. Quietly supporting the group. He’s there, but his presence is kinda small. Or maybe Hoseok and Jimin’s loud voices just drown out everyone else’s.

“How’s school?” Seokjin asked, flopping on the white couch with Namjoon following. It looked like he was about to play video games, which piqued Taehyung’s interest.

“The same. Have you guys been dying their hair for a while now?”

“Yeah, and they almost got Namjoon’s if he would’ve just given ‘consent.’”

Namjoon glanced over and scoffed. “I would prefer it if I dyed my own hair or had it professionally done, thank you very much.” His eyes laid on Jimin and Hoseok, who had a wry smile. “I especially don’t trust the hands of these children.”

“Whatever could you mean,” Hoseok sang and Jimin giggled.

“So! What’s our agenda for today?” I asked. Besides Seokjin and Namjoon, the majority of the boys gathered around me in the kitchen. “Besides the hair dye. Which I’m going to opt out of as well.”

“Why, Jungkookie?” Jimin whined. “You almost never dye your hair.”

“It doesn’t suit me,” I replied, ruffling my hair. It was a boring shade of dark brown, but that’s how I liked it. Jimin pouted, probably thinking of ways of tricking me into getting my head colored blonde like Seokjin’s.

Yoongi walked to my side and got me a cold cider, which I accepted from his hands. “Do we need an agenda? Do we ever have agendas?” he joked. That part was true, our activities are often too random to stick to a solid schedule.

I took this time to step back and look at their outfits. It was always fascinating to notice how Seokjin decorates these boys. He often tells me that one of his proudest uses for his credit card is to purchase designer jackets and wardrobes for us. I wonder if we’re like dolls to him, waiting inside a posh, mansion-like dollhouse for our child master Seokjin to excitedly dress us up. He himself was wearing a simple and black loose-fitting shirt, with a rather tight-looking ripped black jeans to compliment his skinny figure. His entire right knee was visible with the rip. I wonder if they’re still designer brand?

As Yoongi sips his chilled juice box next to me, I couldn’t help but think his shirt was thrifted. There’s a cliche-looking picture of a silhouetted palm tree to a sunset, and he wore a long gold chain. Typical Yoongi.

On the other hand, the rest of the boys looked quite sleek. Taehyung was wearing a brown cowboy-esque jacket, Hoseok wore a star-design jacket with checkerboard shoes, Jimin with a jacket similar to Yoongi’s shirt but with more palm trees and therefore more cool-looking, and Namjoon wore a shirt with strange faces on it. 

I noticed our cans of spray paint in the corner, messily sprawled and dented. I bet either Namjoon or Taehyung was going to buy more at some point - we’re almost out of yellow, their favorite one to use - but I guess they were too caught up in the whole hair dying ordeal than actually doing something. I almost wondered if they used the spray paint on their hair instead, considering how bright it was.

Besides Namjoon’s brains, he also likes to paint in his freetime. Surprising, his exterior looks stern and orderly, but he does have a soft spot for his paint. He’s been dabbling in spray paint ever since he graduated, claiming he found someone do a demonstration of it on the streets. Taehyung sort of acts as an apprentice to Namjoon, being fascinated and imitating whatever he does.

“I was actually planning on taking you boys somewhere fun today,” Mama Seokjin said to us with a grin. “There’s a nightclub that opened near my dad’s building, and some of our assets are there too. I’m pretty sure some of our workers are stationed there.”

“Oh, damn, a nightclub. It’s like 5pm though, man.”

“Actually,” Namjoon chimed in. “We can stop by some stores to stock up on food and supplies.”

“Aka, paint?” Hoseok asked.

“Yeah, that. It’ll probably kill some time for us.”

Seokjin smiled. “We can stop by McDonald’s or something too. The nightclub probably won’t offer much other than drinks.”

“Poor Jungkookie,” Jimin teased. I darted my eyes at him.

“Hey. It’s okay, Seokjin can cover me,” I replied fast. Sure, I was a bit underage, but honestly, who really cared?

Seokjin shook his keys and went to open the garage. It astounded me everytime whenever I saw his sleek black Maserati. There was room in the garage for his black Mercedes-Benz Sprinter too, for when we had a party of people.

“So, Jungkook,” Yoongi started, when we got settled in the car. It was always Seokjin behind the wheel, Jimin next to him, Namjoon and Taehyung in the middle, and Yoongi, me and Hoseok in the back. “I saw your tweet that blew up. Pretty bold move.”

He was referring to my Twitter post, where I called out our local government officials. The specific tweet read, “Those fat pigs dare to silence the young? They better watch their backs, who knows if they’re actually pedophiles who prey on the teenage twinks at night. #woke.” It blew up with retweets and likes, to my surprise, but it also got a lot of hate criticism from adults. Including some of my family members, but I don’t really regret it. At least it got me some admirable points from Bangtan. And it really amused me when I imagined that fat politician’s head sweat down his neck rolls with blood rushing to his face.

“Ah, I saw it too. Can’t deny it made me chuckle,” Namjoon smirked.

“Go, Jungkook!” said Jimin.

“But are you sure your parents won’t mind?” Seokjin asked with a concerned tone, pulling the Maserati out of the driveway. He was such a smooth driver, I sometimes almost think he used to be a professional chauffeur.

“They probably do, to be honest,” I answered, and Yoongi glanced at me with a frown. “But-”

“Fuck them, they can’t control your words,” Yoongi interrupted, and slid me a can of Pepsi. I obliged and couldn’t help laughing. I really did like Yoongi’s personality and general attitude with life.

“You’re right,” I said as I popped it open. Seokjin stared at me through the rearview mirror again before taking it off to focus on driving.

During the car ride, everything felt normal. Contently normal. Hoseok and Jimin pulled pranks on each other like usual. Yoongi stared out the window for the most part, but would look at me whenever something silly was said, and I would feel special that he felt comfortable silently communicating with me. Which was often something about how stupid the others were. Namjoon coddled Taehyung, asking him if the A/C was alright, to which Taehyung laughed and told him to take care of himself. And although Seokjin was focusing on driving, it made me glad that he was still included in the conversation whenever possible. As I watched Jimin’s soft face doze off, I wondered if  
it’ll always be like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter takes place during the fire and not today music videos.


	2. we believed in each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm starting to post updates regarding this work through my twt @youngjaerui !! feel free to ask questions and/or contact me there!

“Hey, Namjoon. How’s this?” Taehyung held up a black spray paint can. It was bigger than the one that they had used before. Namjoon, Yoongi, and I walked up to Taehyung.

“Hm, what do you think, Jungkook?” Namjoon glanced in my direction. I paused.

“Wait, me? Why do you need my opinion?”

“You should try spray painting too, Jungkook!” Taehyung chimed. I looked up at Taehyung’s wide brown eyes. He looked like a puppy.

“I-.. Maybe? I don’t know..” Taehyung made me flustered. I’ve never paid attention to spray paint or graffiti, let alone do it myself.

Yoongi smirked. “Too pussy?” he asked, and I frowned at him.

“Certainly not. Yeah we should get more colors while we’re at it.”

Namjoon picked out some yellow and white sprays, and I took notice of how pricey they were. But then again, Seokjin was going to pay for them. It shouldn’t be too big of a price tag for someone like him.

As I was distracted in my own thoughts, Yoongi grabbed my wrist - gently - and led me towards another aisle in the store. I was surprised, he wasn’t a touchy person - at least not to me - but I followed him without a word of protest. Not even a “Yoongi, what are you doing?” as I would normally ask. No, something forced me to comply. Perhaps it was the curiosity, or the sheer wanting of getting closer with Yoongi.

We stopped in front of the home supplies aisle, where Yoongi laid his eyes upon some lighters. “What do you need these for?” I asked carefully.

“I needed a new one.” His eyes darted between the brands, his mouth pulled in a thin line as he compared prices.

“Hyung, I didn’t know you smoked…” I said in a murmur. Yoongi’s eyes turned soft as he looked at me, his gray bangs gently covering his lashes.

“Namjoon and I used to do it together. I think Seokjin noticed and told Namjoon to quit.” Yoongi took one off of the counter. It was a sleek, gray box type. Simple, and yet, it fitted Yoongi quite well. “So Namjoon quit. I don’t smoke nearly as often as I used to. Sometimes I’d just light the lighter, and watch the flame, but it’s merely out of bad habit.”

Bad habit? I looked at Yoongi and nodded. Who was I to criticize Yoongi as a smoker? I was actually quite happy he decided to share it with me. I doubt anyone else in Bangtan besides Namjoon knew.

“Ay, Jimin, stop running!” I turned and saw Hoseok chasing Jimin down the aisles, Jimin holding something brown in his hand. His wallet, perhaps? I turned back to Yoongi. His thumb flicked the striker wheel. A small flare ignited, and you could see the reflection of the light in his small, brown eyes. “Jimin!” Hoseok’s voice echoed again, and almost in a moment of silence, Yoongi’s eyes flickered over to mine. I froze, and cleared my throat.

“Shall we join the rest?” I suggested awkwardly. Yoongi gave a short chuckle and nodded.

“Let’s make sure Jimin doesn’t get himself into trouble.”

But Jimin got himself and us kicked out anyways. Namjoon at least was able to convince the store manager that he wasn’t related to us and bought his spray paint. When he came out, he shook his head disapprovingly. “What a bunch of brats…” he muttered, as Taehyung ran to him and clung on his arm for forgiveness. Namjoon patted his head and drew a long sigh.

“A bunch of brats? It was really all because of Jimin!” Hoseok accusingly slapped Jimin in the back as he faked a yelp.

“You guys just don’t know how to have fun.” Jimin stuck a tongue out at Hoseok and he did the same back. The scene reminded me of a bickering high school couple.

I didn’t notice Seokjin trailing behind us until I heard his tinkling of keys in his hand as he unlocked the Maserati. “Off to McD’s then? I’m starving.”

No one seemed to notice Yoongi’s new lighter in the car. He would flick it every so often, and my eyes would become engrossed in the flame. Mesmerized. The little thing felt magical somehow, as if it would suddenly just transport Yoongi and I to another world. It’s that feeling you get when you stand on top of the roof of a building, at the very edge. Like you’re being pulled to jump off but your consciousness gives you just barely enough strength to pull you back.

I daydream. Often. Perhaps it started as a mechanism to drown out the teachers at school, but it soon became much more common whenever I was at home with my crazed parents, or sometimes even when I was with Bangtan. Sometimes I wish I could stop it. My daydreams would often speed up the time in reality so fast that I wouldn’t even pay attention to what was happening in the moment before it all vanished and passed. And it was happening again.

Before I knew it, we were at McDonald’s. I was at the counter with Seokjin staring at me intensely.

“Jungkook? Go ahead and order.” Seokjin pulled out his wallet and gave me another confused look.

“Huh?”

“Oh, for the love of God.” Seokjin looked back at the boys and asked for their orders again.

I looked back down at my hands. They were now carrying napkins and ketchup packets. I frowned, wondering if I should go to the doctor to ask what was wrong with me. But did I really need a diagnosis to know something was wrong?

As Seokjin finished paying, I helped him carry the numerous trays of food back to where the others sat. The lighting in the place was a bit dim, and it was already dark out. I took my place next to Namjoon, who noticed my lost gaze and asked if I was okay.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied. Namjoon wanted to push further, but decided that he was more hungry than anything else at the moment. Yoongi must have noticed my demeanor as well, because before I knew it, he was throwing fries at my head. The smell of salt and oil engulfed my face, and I quickly swatted it away.

I looked up in surprise. “Yoongi??” He responded by throwing more fries.

“What-” I looked at him incredulously and fired back, almost flipping my tray in the process.

“Hey! What if they kick us out of here too?” Namjoon threw us both a scolding look.

Taehyung laughed. “Let loose, hyung, it’s not like it’s anything illegal.”

“Are you gonna wait to do something illegal, and THEN let me say something?”

Taehyung shrugged and threw fries at him too.

“Taehy- that’s it.” Namjoon joined the fry-throwing party and soon the rest as well. Even Seokjin.

All I could hear then was laughter. Taehyung started to get up on the tables and danced like he was drunk, Yoongi and Namjoon kept on cracking jokes to me, and Seokjin was cheering on everyone else.

“Get off, Tae!”

“What if I don’t want to, Joon?”

Namjoon started chasing after Taehyung, like a mother trying to spank her child.

And just moments later, I saw the same scene, except under a booming place with bright disco lights and a nearby bar. Wooden pillars and staircases filled the small space. Namjoon was chasing after an actual drunk Taehyung, who had bright pink cheeks and burning ears. I turned around to see Jimin hiccup next to me at the bar, who held a blank stare and sheepish grin.

“W-Where are we?” I asked hesitantly. Jimin poured himself a glass of champagne.

“Deviant Nightclub. The one that Seokjin’s family owns.” Yoongi’s voice popped out of nowhere. I watched as he ordered a special and sat down next to me on a barstool. His eyes looked more tired than usual, but he seemed to fit in with the nightlife. He didn’t seem to question why I had no idea how we ended up here.

“Deviant?”

“Yeah. They named it that because this is a popular hub for people to come and do illegal stuff. But Deviant is one of their smaller properties. Seokjin has some better places, but they’re a bit of a distance from here.”

“Huh?” I was in shock. Sure, we’ve done some pretty rebellious stuff, but I never witnessed actual illegal activity.

Yoongi laughed at my innocence. “Don’t worry. They’re not people we need to be afraid of. They’re all friends of Seokjin’s family, so they won’t hurt us. If that’s what you’re worried about.”

I was still dumbfounded. I knew Seokjin’s family had a lot of power, but I didn’t know it was connected to, to all these bad stuff. A black hooded figure soon passed behind me, and I watched as he entered a room, a glance thrown my way.

“Hey.” Yoongi moved a small shot glass of what looked like soju into my field of vision. My eyes trailed back to his face, his soft facial features now highlighted pink. I knew Yoongi to be someone with a high alcohol tolerance, so he must’ve drank quite a lot already to look so dazed. His usual cold demeanor is now gone, and a soft, relaxed smile has taken its place. “Drink up.”

I of course, was still underage to be drinking alcohol, at least in public. But the last thing I wanted was to let Yoongi down, especially with how much in a good mood he was being. I obliged and turned my head, placing the glass at my lips and feeling the liquid trickle down my throat. It was an odd, sharp sweet taste, with a little sting that hit right after I swallowed it. It somehow reminded me of a less intense version of the sip of vodka I had back at our place, where Namjoon had let me try a little bit. Yoongi seemed proud of my reaction, as he gave a little giggle. My chest warmed, seeing his dimples come to life.

After a few more drinks, coerced by him, I feel the after-effects of alcohol starting to get to me. My head felt lighter than usual, and my senses became dulled. I was soon forgetting just what we were even doing at Deviant. Yoongi was about to leave, maybe to hang out with the others or to go to the restroom, but I tugged on his shirt lightly, my eyes asking if he could stay. He begrudgingly obliged and sat back down in front of me.

I’ve never gotten this drunk before in my life. As I fiddle with the end of Yoongi’s white cotton shirt, I notice Namjoon in the corner of my eye sitting with another person who has his back turned to me. After blinking and squinting, I realize that it’s Seokjin. Namjoon’s arm is wrapped around his broad shoulders, and by the looks of his expression, seems to be comforting him for some reason. I see Seokjin’s shoulders rise and fall heavily, like he’s out of breath or something.

Distracted by this scene, I didn’t realize that Yoongi had slipped out of my grasp. And is now with Taehyung, yelling at a woman with pale skin and long curly red hair. She looked to be about in her 40s, but may be older, judging from her heavy makeup and expensive clothes and bag. She looks disgusted and shocked by Yoongi’s outburst, which did seem out-of-character for him, but I heard from Jimin that Yoongi did have a short temper. From the bits of the shouting that I caught onto, it seemed like the lady muttered something to Taehyung, who then got mad at her. Yoongi, of course, came to Taehyung’s defense. From his volume, and the way the lady positioned her hand, it seemed like it would escalate into a physical fight soon, so I quickly and clumsily got to my feet and started running towards the three.

“Absolutely disgusting little creature,” the lady huffed as she fixed her scarf hurriedly and narrowed her bright red lips. She seemed to look almost foreign from the amount of makeup she packed on.

“Say that again to my face. I dare you,” Yoongi growled, and I quickly grabbed his arm and ushered him to calm down. He glanced back at me and with a sigh, obliged after shooting one last glare at the woman.

“Such rude brats. I won’t forgive this. My husband is the CEO of-”

“And my friend over there is the son of the CEO and owner of Kim Corporations. So we’re not scared of you, you ugly hag.” Taehyung smirked.

“Hey, hey, Tae, let’s stop wasting our time on her-”

“No. She deserves to be humiliated. You think you can just leave after your petty insults?”

I walked up to him and grabbed his hand. “Taehyung, let’s go.”

“Jungkook, let go of me. I’m tired of teenagers being disrespected. Do you think we’ll just let these adults make us look stupid?”

The lady looked intimidated by how mean Taehyung’s voice got. “Listen here, boy. I’m calling my husband - we’ll see how you talk to him then-”

“Go ahead! Call him! You don’t have the guts to defend yourself, you piece of-”

“That’s enough, Taehyung!”

The room went silent when Seokjin’s voice boomed through the air. It was enough to knock me sober. Even the woman stopped reaching for her phone. I personally have never heard Seokjin yell before. His cheeks were pink, and his eyes looked dull and tired. He looked broken. Taehyung immediately shut up and stared at him in fear. When the lady seemed to recognize who Seokjin was, she immediately apologized in a faint whisper.

“Mr. K-Kim, I’m- I didn’t know you were..”

“My apologies on behalf of my friends.” Seokjin looked at her, his head turned away from us. The female almost yelped in fear when she made eye contact, quickly bowing her head and scurrying out of the room.

When Seokjin turned around to face Taehyung, he was already petrified, eyes wide and lips parted open. I guess he hasn’t heard Seokjin ever raise his voice before either.

“She was a business partner. Just because you think it’s right to defend yourself, doesn’t mean you can go around shouting at whomsoever you choose,” he scolded.

“Y-Yeah, but she called me a-”

“Have you ever thought about how it could hurt me?”

Taehyung went silent again and looked at the floor, his head down and guilty. Namjoon nudged Seokjin to tone it down a bit.

“Hey guys, it’s a public place, so let’s take it home?” Hoseok quietly suggested. Seokjin stared at Taehyung’s downturned head and nodded slightly, a small sigh dragged out of him.

The car ride was stiffening, to say the least. Tense silence filled the air, and even Hoseok and Jimin weren’t trying to make it any better. I was really worried about both Yoongi and Taehyung, who must feel awful to have been scolded by Seokjin. When my mind went back to Seokjin’s words at Taehyung, it almost seemed like he was talking about a broader picture. Like it wasn't just directed towards the situation. _Have you ever thought about how it could hurt me?_ The fact that he used the word “ever” seemed a bit exaggerated to me. Almost as if Taehyung had always done things without thinking of Seokjin.

And he must’ve felt the weight of Seokjin’s words too, as I watched him uncomfortably bury his head in his arms, which were wrapped around his knees. Poor Taehyung, he was just a bit immature. He often reminded me of me, but a bit less controlled.

We stepped inside Seokjin's house. Namjoon used to tell me that Seokjin called it The Hideout. We watched as he tossed his jacket onto the couch without a word. Namjoon quickly took his shoes off and murmured something to him. Sounded like a question.

“Wait, Seokjin, I…”

Seokjin turned around at the sound of Taehyung’s soft, now gentle voice.

“I’m sorry. For what I did earlier. I feel horrible about it. I guess I wasn’t thinking straight, I don’t know, might’ve been the alcohol, but I promise I won’t do it again.” Taehyung looked up at him with a guilty expression on his face.

Seokjin paused, before saying “It’s fine. I’m going to bed.” Namjoon sighed and tried to say something else to Seokjin, but he slipped past his grasp and closed the door to his bedroom.

Taehyung looked down again. He looked like he was about to cry. And who wouldn’t? Seokjin was like the father none of us had. He was so nice and supportive and caring to us, and we’ve never seen him this angry and upset before.

Namjoon saw this and patted Taehyung, embracing him into a hug. It was strange, the whole situation was just strange. At Bangtan, we always wanted to make sure everyone felt happier in a place away from home, but where was all of this tenseness coming from?

“Hey guys, listen.” Namjoon pulled away to look at all of us. “Seokjin is… in a bit of a tough spot right now. He’s not exactly feeling well these days. He’ll tell you guys more when he’s ready, but don’t take his outburst personally. He’s, uh.” He glanced to his door.

“He’s going through something right now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is still during the not today music video.


	3. kim seokjin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't forget to follow my twt for updates! @youngjaerui

_If we could turn back the clock, where should we go back to?_

_Once we reach that place, can all our mistakes and errors be undone?_

_Will happiness be ours to stay?_

 

To him, it felt like he was falling.

Not exactly in a bad way or a good way. It was just falling and not being able to help yourself or have others help you. There was no possible way he could stop from falling or get out of the abyss he was falling into. He just kept falling.

He didn’t want to fall. He wanted to live his craven life like a normal teenage boy. He wanted to make his friends happy. He never really prioritized his own happiness, but he was used to it. He was ‘merely living as the person that he was.’

He might have been falling from reality. They always say that people rise to heaven, but he was falling out of the Earth. To a destination that no one knew, and no one cared.

At night, he would be alone, without Bangtan. At day, he would be alone, with Bangtan. Whichever time of day, however, he would be scared. He’s seen as this guiding figure amongst his friends, but he wondered. _How do I help them when I can’t even help myself?_ He knew of their families, of their stories, and how they seek an escape through Bangtan. But his life was nothing to admire either. His life was nothing special. _Why do they like me? Love me?_ Everyday, he was afraid to be ‘loved as the person that he was. 

 _But maybe_ , he thought. _Maybe they don’t like me. Love me. Maybe it was all fake. Was it for my money? My influence? Or maybe, they don’t accept me as part of Bangtan?_  

And he put on his sweater. And looked at himself in the mirror. He wasn’t sure what to make of the person that stared back at him. His reflection seemed so unlike himself. His reflection was a handsome young man, who represented the Kim Corporations, who was a filial son and an even more generous friend. But inside, he wondered if that’s all he really was. He took his sweater off.

_Let’s not think like this today._

But he couldn’t stop. And once he started thinking about all of this, he would end up thinking more and more. He wanted to stop thinking. About his family, about Kim Corporations, about Bangtan. Altogether.

And in a hasty and shaken decision, he put on his sweater again. And he wore a hat too, the one that Namjoon gave him a while back. Because it was going to be cold outside.

 

_Though many seasons pass, there are places that cannot be reached._

_Yet another storm to be faced and to be weathered head-on._

_Loving without fear, hesitating and parting,_

_and merely living as just the person I am._

 -  _ _Kim Seokjin__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter takes place during the 結 or last part of the Love Yourself highlight reel.


	4. why did it have to be you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much to everyone who's been enjoying my story. i appreciate feedback as always! the next chapter may take a while to be uploaded, as it's going to be a heavy and lengthy one.

“Hello?”

_ That’s strange _ . There was no answer, but I heard some muffles and fabric. I was sure this was Yoongi, he had given me his number back when I first joined Bangtan. I even recognized Yoongi’s grunt - he did it when he was really stressed or tired.  _ Is he talking? Maybe there’s bad connection. _

“Yoongi?”

“Ah- yeah, Jungkook.” There didn’t seem to be any problem with the connection. His voice was very clear. 

“Oh, hey Yoongi. What’s up?” 

It was then I realized that my tone seemed a bit too relaxed for how strained his voice sounded. “Yoongi?” 

_ Silence. _

“Hey, is everything ok?”

“Jungkook, you, uh, you need to come…”

I stood up from my bed. He sounded almost like, like he was panicked. Something was clearly wrong.

“Yoongi, where are you? I’ll come right now,” I told him in a loud voice. “Hyung?”

All of a sudden, I heard a choked gasp and more shuffling. An airy breath came before a new voice. “Hello? Jungkook?”

“Namjoon? You’re there too?” My eyes darted between looking at myself in the mirror and the floor. “What’s going on-”

“We’re at M-Myeongdong Hospital. Can you be here in less than 20 minutes?” he asked, voice significantly calmer than Yoongi’s, but still unusual. He never really stuttered when he spoke. His voice was eloquent and backed up by his unnatural intelligence, but now he seemed lost.

“Hyung, I’ll be there in 10. But please tell me, what happened?”

I heard Namjoon say something incomprehensible to a female voice. “Wait- Jungkook just come quickly. Something’s happened to one of our members-”

And the line cuts off. I stared at my phone in shock.  _ Is someone injured? Was it Yoongi? _

As I rushed downstairs in nothing but my pajamas, my father cleared his throat loudly. 

“Where do you think you’re going? It’s almost midnight.”

“Father, this is an emergency.”

“No, I don’t care, I will not allow you to do whatever you want.”

My father and mother was always like this. Keeping me inside closed doors, fences, cages, whatever barrier they could think of. Being the only liberal person in this highly conservative house, it was painful for me to hear their words. A family is supposed to make you feel comfortable. Here, I just felt targeted. Isolated. Sure, they cared about me enough to feed me -  _ not that I needed them to _ \- and house me, sometimes try to strike up a conversation. But I didn’t feel the attention that they intended to give me. Some say that I grew up pretty spoiled, but Bangtan gave me so much more than my mom and dad ever did.

That may be why I’d eventually leave them soon after.

As I shut the door behind me, I let out a heavy, shaken sigh, my shoulders rising and falling with anxiety. My mind was racing with thoughts.  _ What if it was Taehyung? Jimin? Oh god, please don’t let it be Jimin. _

Myeongdong Hospital was a good 20 minute walk from my house, but I decided to take a taxi instead. Thankfully, the taxi I was able to grab was driven by a young man. If it had been an old geezer, I would have screamed in frustration.

_ It’s not Namjoon, he sounded fairly fine through the call. What if it was Yoongi? He bought the new lighter…  _

_ Hoseok? No, he may be reckless, but he wouldn’t have gotten hurt.  _

_ Right? _

Myeongdong Hospital is big, to say the least. I was lucky that Namjoon’s family works as the head of this hospital, or else I would’ve needed to call him again to ask for the room number. I entered the huge glass door, and ran towards the receptionist.

“How may I help you?”

“K-Kim Namjoon. Where is he?”

The lady looked at my out-of-breath demeanor with a weird expression, and picked up the telephone to call a number. 

“Sir? A young boy is asking for you. Ah-” She eyed me up and down. “Yes, he is. I’ll send him up.” She hung up the phone. “Mr. Jeon Jungkook, is it?”

I nodded my head. She rustled under her desk and handed me a golden card key.

“It’s the highest level, Floor 75A. Sir Kim Namjoon’s private room.”

“Thank you so much.” I rushed to the elevator, checking my phone once I was in.  _ 12:08am.  _

_ Please, please make sure the others are safe. _

The floor was oddly arranged. The elevator stopped at Floor 70, and I had to take another one, this time using the gold card. It was a smaller elevator lift, with sleek black edges and two guards positioned inside the elevator. I’ve never seen this high level of security before. They glanced at me, but didn’t say anything. It seems like they knew I was coming.

When I reached 73A, which the elevator automatically went to, I stepped inside the velveted and highly decorated hallway and knocked on the only door there were. “Namjoon? Yoongi? It’s me, Jungko-”

A pair of trembling arms engulfed me into a hug. It was Yoongi, I could tell by his unmistakable hair color, no matter how messy and disheveled it was at the moment. This sudden action caught me off-guard, and no matter how nice it was feeling his embrace, it made me both flustered and in a state of panic.  _ How bad was the situation that someone like Yoongi would rush to me for comfort? _

“... Hyung. What-”

Yoongi let go of me and instead, took my hand in his and brought me over to the main room. The beeping of a heart monitor got louder as I stepped closer. I looked around at the familiar faces in surprise. 

“You guys are all here?” I didn’t dare look to see who was lying on the hospital bed, just a step away from my field of vision. But a shiver traveled up my spine. I knew who it was. I knew who was missing from the 5 boys that stood in front of me.

My eyes pulled my body toward where Seokjin lay. I heard a sniffle from Jimin, who was hugging his knees tightly. 

“Why is Seokjin…” Namjoon approached me and put a hand on my shoulder. “Did he get injured?” I shrugged off Namjoon’s and approached the hospital bed. He was covered with a large blanket up until the top of his pale neck. Pale. 

“Jungkook-”

“Why is Seokjin…” I gave a dry laugh. “Wasn't he fine just last night? Why is in the hospital here now? Why does it seem like he can’t hear me?”

I pulled his arm out of the blanket, seeing a bunch of needles and IV drips stuck in it. It looked ugly. Out of place. 

“What happened? Namjoon?” 

“Jungkook, listen carefully, okay?” Namjoon sat me down next to Taehyung, who seemed frightened more than anything. 

He didn’t need to treat me like a baby. It’s not like- 

_ Oh. I was crying. That’s why; he was trying to calm me. _

“Jungkook. Seokjin, … he…. there’s something that I didn’t really tell you guys. But what happened was that he, he drove his car and I guess-”

“Namjoon. Get to the point.” It was an unrecognizable voice, but it came from Yoongi. The bitter pain that lined his throat made me almost flinch. My chest hurt. I felt like I was holding back my tears, but they kept trailing down my pink cheeks.

“He was found inside his car. In the sea.”

“Sea?” An unsettling feeling grew in the pit of my stomach. It's like when you're at the highest point on a rollercoaster, and you know for sure you want to get off. “No, not  _ that _ sea-”

“The sea we visited last winter.”

I felt like gagging. Like vomiting. Why did such a precious memory turn into this? 

“B-But Seokjin is still alive? At least he’s still alive?” Jimin’s small voice echoed. 

Namjoon gritted his teeth. He turned to Seokjin’s bed, his back now small in the shadow of Seokjin’s room.

“No. He’s not alive, Jimin.

He was pronounced dead on-scene.”

\--

He didn’t want to be him anymore. The ‘Seokjin’ was too big of a role for him. That, he knew at least. He would never be able to live up to the expectations everyone had of him. He felt encased in his body, as if someone else was controlling his body and he was pushed to sit in the shadows and watch life happen. All they ever saw was a spoiled rich brat.  _ I wish they could feel my pain. _

Being dead wasn’t as bad as he had imagined. Physically, his body felt numb. Wherever he stepped, little sparks would scatter from his feet, travelling up his legs.

Of course, the indecisive him was unable to cut off his attachment with the world completely. So he stayed a little to see what unraveled after that cold spring day. He found himself inside a house. It was just as luxurious as the one he lived in when he was alive.  _ I guess riches really do follow you everywhere.  _

But that also meant just as much space as before. And now, it’s all empty space and silence. No more Bangtan to help comfort him and fill it up with excitement - just visualizing Jimin running around, being chased by Hoseok, Yoongi getting a glass of water to find peace for the hundredth time, Namjoon playing video games with Taehyung, and Jungkook coming back from school. 

The velvet curtains covered the many windows around him. There was so much light spilling through. He wondered if he was closer to the bright sun and heaven, or if it was actually just the lava in hell.

Seokjin chose to stay in the dirtiest and smallest room inside the place. There was nothing - just wood board flooring, a cheap white bed, and the big window above it. Translucent, lonely white drapes flew with the open breeze. He realized that he was able to see Bangtan through it. Outside the window was a sheet of water, both a reflection of his despaired state and a medium to watch over his friends, his family, the real world.

And after what he did, everything remained as he predicted.

His mother would find out about what happened and collapse.

His father would try to stay calm and think about the impact his death would have on Kim Corporations.

After all, how would the public react if the next-in-line heir had died?

Putting him on life support to no avail, they could only fake his comatose state. The heartbeat monitor beeping was like a song to hide him.

His dead self.

And when the news finally broke to the public, his life was said to be short-lived.

People called him a coward, a fool, a teenager. He had already expected all that. 

But what he did not expect was the toll it would create on the members of Bangtan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this happens between not today and i need u, but the place where seokjin is now matches up with the setting that seokjin is in from the i need u music video.


End file.
